Pain ~ that old familiar sayingIt twists like a knife in your heartNo point in trying to be more profoundSomeone has put it well, you can’t put it better than that.
IIPain ~ for emptiness and lonelinessPain ~ for unrequited loveNot the love for a lover ~ but the love for a fatherA small girl ~ whose heart was full of loveBut that love went flat IIIStrange ~ what one does with painThey erect barbed wireAnd fence it in.Then they begin a life where love is thinAlone behind a wallWith others outsideAnd them alone within.IVInstead of people ~ they have a wallAnd by that wall are fedIn that wall they see their reflectionA heart of stoneA spirit dead.VAnd on reflection it would seem the truthThat her father was skilled at wall building tooThat he had no connection, with the person from aboveHe only learned to build walls ~ never learned to love.VIPain ~ for the folly of repeating historyI took lessons from the wrong father ~ multiplied my miseryI didn’t know the calm ~ I didn’t know the balmToo familiar with the knife that twistsIt became my signature dish.
I dished it to my husbandI dished it to my sonsI dished it to myselfAnd to everyone.Convinced that for my sinsMy Father gave me lashesWhips on tender skinWith hate my heart he washes.VIIChildren can get used to anything at allEvil can become routine then expected as the normTheir minds twistedTheir bodies abusedThe intents of their hearts subvertedAs Satan shapes their world.VIIISo hard to grasp the truthIt was Him who took the lashesFor my sins there at the crossWith His blood my heart he washes.Even me, the lonely girlHe has seen ~ He didn’t forgetAccepted despite my heart perverseAnd loved with the love that I can learn.IXSo sitting at my windowAnd weighing on reflectionHave I built a wall or built a houseIs that even the question?Woman folly tears her house downWoman folly puts a wall upUpon the sand a house will fallWhat’s the question ~ where’s the rub?XHere’s the question ~ here’s the painHave I built my house in vain?If I look at each brick one by oneWhat’s the writing on the wall?Is He reflected in each stone?What’s the name on the corner one?I see some words that were borne from painI see some words reflect my shame.XISome words of gold ring in the morningLike rays of sunshine on the mountainsHis mercy’s new each day that risesHis treasure’s deep ~ He gives free prizesA rushing world full of consumer actionNeeds a stock exchange of divine transaction.
For my sins he paid my death,For my shame he was humiliatedFor filth, he gave me purityHe was punished, I was exoneratedFor my heart of stone, a heart of fleshA sacrifice for my selfishnessFor my cruelty, he took those nailsFor my pain, he shook in agony and wailsFor my pride, a crown of thorns on his headFor my greed, he was numbered with the deadHe stood before the magistrates and I sniggered in the backgroundHe was God’s holy One ~ among the sinners I was found.XIII come to that place at the foot of the treeHis blood like holy tears washes meI know the way that I should goAnd I grieve for my father who has gone beforeHe never knew the holy wayHis story is not for me to sayI forgive because He first loved meI sacrifice my pain ~ give a free gift of mercy XIII Can I now swap the bricks I’ve chosen?Can He revive a heart that’s frozen?I lay the bricks down at his bleeding feetThe place where sin and mercy meetFor suspicion can I have beliefFor anger ~ understanding pleaseFor hatred ~ bring the balm of loveFor cruelty ~ gentle like a doveFor shouting ~ bring some healing wordsFor criticism ~ affirmation LordFor punishment ~ discipline made from loveFor guilt ~ forgiveness from God above.
For rudeness ~ manners and respectFor pre-eminence ~ serve and not neglectFor judgement ~ the plank out from my eyesFor folly ~ God’s ways to make me wiseFor greed ~ bring generosityFor blindness ~ eyes of faith to seeFor selfishness ~ sacrificial loveFor self-protection ~ give me trust.
For crossness ~ patience, kindness pleaseFor knowledge ~ from your Word and on my kneesFor time misspent ~ the prayer of workFor interruptions ~ seen from the LordFor introspection ~ fix my eyes on HimThe one who put to death my sinConclusionIt seems that every winding road I take
leads me to the cross
It must be Him that leads me
Despite my will and dross.
Again I crumble at my folly
Willful, foolish, blind
But Him the faithful Father
In His palm, He says "she's mine".
Such love it melts my bleeding heart
I cannot grasp the concept
Of the pure One covered with sin and shame
Our sin and death he conquered.
So at this foot, I pray, I see
That love, it was the remedy
That love that I must learn and live
It is my balm, it sets me free.